Moving On

Moving On

Pairing: Edward & Jasper

Thank you: OCDJen for pre-reading.

Rating: R for language
AH,AU, Angst and Drama

This is a slash fic and contains male on male sexual relations. If you are under-age please don't read this.
Disclaimer: All Twilight characters belong to Stephenie Meyer, Little, Brown, et. al. No profit was made and no copyright infringement is intended. The juicy bits, yeah, those are mine.
Author’s Note: This was originally written for the Fandom Against Domestic Violence compilation.

~ooOoo~


Edward sat in his car trying to calm his racing pulse. He knew Jasper was less than twenty feet away, waiting for him. Edward drew in a deep breath, and held it for a minute in one last ditch attempt to control his emotions. He opened the door, and got out of the car as he exhaled. He was as ready as he was going to be.

He slowly walked around the car and across the lush grass to the tree where Jasper waited. Edward shivered against a sudden gust of wind. His hair flashed bronze and gold in the bright summer sunlight. Silently, he moved across the grass until he finally stood in front of Jasper.

"Hey, Jasper," he said quietly, "it's been a while, huh?"

"Yeah, it sure has." Jasper smiled as he took in Edward's appearance. He had changed so much in two years. Gone was the shy, gangly nineteen year old he knew. Standing in front of him was a man who was comfortable in his skin. Tall and fit, Edward had become the man Jasper always knew was buried under the awkward teen-age skin.

"Um, so Alice has been after me to come and see you for a while. I, ah......shit...." Edward's voice hitched as he tried to settle his emotions. His left hand flew to his mouth, as if to trap the sobs that were threatening to escape.

Jasper took a step forward, arm outstretched as he reached for Edward.

"Damn it!" Edward yelled as he turned away. "Just....ugh....just need to get through this..." he pleaded.

Jasper lowered his arm, and took a step back.

"It's okay, Edward. I understand. Take your time, I'm not going anywhere."

Edward took a deep breath and exhaled, then another, and another. He managed to regain his composure, and turned back to where Jasper waited.

"I knew this was going to be hard, but damn, I guess I wasn't as ready as I thought." He frowned, irritated that he had broken so quickly, "Okay, let's try this again."

Jasper waited, knowing there was so much to be said.

Edward looked up, his green eyes flashing with anger and pain. "You left me." he said in voice laden with emotion, "You just left. No good-bye, no explanation, you were just gone. Do you have any idea what that did to me?"

Jasper nodded, tears in his eyes. "I know, baby, I know."

"Do you have any idea what that did to me?" Edward repeated, his voice thick with tears, "I was a mess. The first three months I barely existed. Alice and Emmett had to force me to eat and bathe. They took care of me even though they were broken too. It was hell, for all of us. You just left us....me...alone...so very much alone. Those first few months I was numb, I felt....empty, and then one day I woke up and the numbness was gone. I started feeling again. God, it hurt. It hurt so much I begged for the numbness to come back and make it go away. But it didn't. The pain stayed, and with it came anger. So much anger, Jasper. I wanted to scream and rage at you, to find out how you could just leave me like that. What did I do to make you leave me like that? Why didn't you come back to me?"

Edward's breath hitched again as tears slowly rolled down his face. His eyes, so full of anguish and pain, looked towards the sky.

Jasper ached to step forward and take Edward in his arms, but he knew it wasn't the right time. Edward wasn't ready, not yet. So he stayed still and waited for Edward to continue.

"That's when the self destructive behavior started. It felt like I was nothing without you, and there was no point in existing. Whiskey was quickly becoming my best friend. That is until Emmett and Alice stepped in and saved me. Alice stopped me from trashing everything you left behind, all the pictures and the clothes, the silly mementos of our life together. She knew I'd end up regretting it someday. She was right, I would have. And Emmett, shit, Em dragged my sorry ass to the gym. He said there were better ways to work through my anger, like weight lifting and swimming. He told me that it was just as easy to kill myself in the gym as in a bottle, but I'd at least look good on the way out. He's responsible for transforming me from a scrawny wimp to this..." he said as he waved a hand up and down in front of himself.

Jasper grinned. "I'll have to thank him. You look great."

Edward blushed and continued on, "So, I worked through the anger. It took a while, but I finally realized that it wasn't my fault that you were gone, and there wasn't anything I could do to bring you back. It was hard, but the anger slowly went away. The pain though, oh the pain stayed. It gnawed at me night and day. It felt like it would never end. Working out wasn't helping as much anymore so I decided to focus on school. My parents made me withdraw that first semester after....I missed too many classes and frankly just didn't see the point anymore. So, I had plenty of work to do if I wanted to graduate on schedule. A nearly full summer semester, and some extra classes in the fall, and I was caught up."

He paused for a moment, "Graduation was a month ago. I graduated with honors."

Jasper grinned, eyes flashing with delight. "Good for you, Edward! It doesn't surprise me, though. You've always been the smart one."

Edward looked down, his body tense. When he spoke again his voice was quiet, barely a whisper. "It was during graduation that it finally hit me. My eyes kept scanning the crowd, looking for something. It nearly broke me when I realized it was you. But you weren't there. You weren't there to celebrate with, or to share that day with. My breath caught as I waited for the pain, and it came, but it wasn't the same. It was a dull ache, it hit me hard, but it didn't cripple me like before. It was then that I finally accepted that there was never going to be a Jasper and Edward again. Those days were gone and it was now it was just Edward. It's also when I finally accepted that there wasn't anything you could have done. What happened, happened. There's no way to change it and put things back the way they were."

He paused, gathering his thoughts before he moved on. Jasper stood silently and waited. This was Edward's time, not his.

"Rose and I had a conversation about my realizations later that same day. She told me I was being an idiot, and that I didn't have to be alone. She pointed across the room at friend of mine, and told me he was waiting for me. She said that he had been waiting for me for a few months. It seemed crazy to me, that someone wanted me enough to wait, but your sister is...well, persistent works, I guess. She told me that it was okay, and that I needed to start living my life and to take a chance. She was right. He and I talked that night, and he admitted that he had feelings for me. His name is Harry. He's sweet and smart and he has a wicked sense of humor. We're moving slowly, but Jasper, I think I'm falling in love with him."

Edward paused for a moment, drawing a deep breath before continuing, "That's why I finally agreed with Alice and came here today. I need my good-bye....."

Edward's eyes filled with tears. He turned away, shoulders hunched and shaking as he choked back a sob. His arms wrapped around his torso, as if to hold in the pain. Jasper stepped forward, placing a hand on Edward's shoulder.

"It's okay, Edward. You need to move forward. You deserve to be happy. Please, babe...stop crying, it's okay."

Edward turned, his eyes wide as he looked forward, "Jasper...." he whispered, "God, I still miss you. I wish...."

"I know, babe, I know. I do too." Jasper said as he reached up and wiped the tears from Edward's face.

Edward leaned in to Jasper's touch, "You know I'll always love you." he whispered.

Jasper smiled, "And I'll always love you, Edward."

Edward slowly stepped back, withdrawing from Jasper's arms. "It's time though, right? This is it, this is good-bye."

Jasper nodded as he whispered, "This is good-bye."

Edward nodded his head once, "Okay then." He hesitated for a moment before saying, "Good-bye, Jasper."

"Good-bye, Edward," Jasper said as he watched Edward walk back to his car.

Edward paused and looked back. He saw Jasper standing under the tree, his blond hair shining in the summer sun, blue eyes flashing as he smiled and waved. Edward blinked and Jasper was gone. All that remained was the black granite stone, proclaiming Jasper a beloved son, brother and friend, Taken too soon from this earth.

"Good-bye, Jasper. You'll always hold a piece of my heart," he said as he opened the door to his car. He smiled as he felt the gentle press of lips on his cheek. A sense of peace settled over him as he drove home to his family, and his future.


A/N: If you'd like to learn more about the Fandom Against Domestic Violence, please visit their blog:
fandomagainstdomesticviolence.blogspot.com/